3 Stages of Sex: 1. House Sex - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house, in every room. 2. Bedroom Sex - After you've been married for a while and you just have sex in the bedroom. 3. Hall Sex - After you've been married for many years, and you just pass each other in the hall and say, "F**k you!"
Q: Ever had sex while camping? A: It's fucking intents.
I've accepted every email offer I've ever received. My penis is now 235 feet long.
Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives? Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.
How can you get AIDS from a toilet seat? By sitting down before the last guy gets up.
A woman goes into a noisy launderette and asks the assistant to do a service wash. ‘What?!’ shouts the assistant. ‘Come again?!’ ‘No!’ shouts back the woman. ‘This time it’s mustard!’
What’s the difference between a bar and a g-spot? Most men have no trouble finding a bar.
Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead? Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.
A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?" "Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose." "Wow, what does it look like after sex?" "Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"