Chuck Norris told his iPhone 2g it was a iPhone 4. He can now multi task and use face time.
Chuck Norris can listen to 24 hours worth of music and not move a single muscle.
If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
Q: Know how to solve the Serbian/Bosnian problem in less than 48 hours? A: Put Janet Reno in charge.
Q: Why do Retirees smile all the time? A: Because they can't hear a word you're saying!
What time is it when Chuck Norris knocks on your door? Too Late!
Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job? A: After 10 years the job still sucks.
Chuck Norris graduated college in one hour.
A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousn ess or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he irritatingly answered, going out the door to the office. At 11 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a bouquet of red roses. At 2 PM, a two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful ‘Independence day' in all my life!"