Best jokes ever

Your moms pussy is so hairy when your brother was born he died of rug burn.

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."

Yo mama so bald, when she goes to bed, her head slips off the pillow.

Two men were talking about their wives. First: "I'm a teacher whenever we are in bed my wife says repeat please." Second: "I'm a driver when we are sexing she thinks I'm in a gas station so she screws my dick and says: 'fill it up super!'"

Air traffic controller: "Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees." Airline pilot: "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" Air Traffic controller: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 737?"

Chuck Norris once bowled a 300... Without a ball... He wasn't even in a bowling ally.

Elvis Presley, Richard Petty, Budweiser, and Michael Jackson all call Chuck Norris "The King".

Chuck Norris once won a three-legged race... By himself.

Q: What does it look like when you microwave a baby? A: I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

There was a man who just got out of the army. He was really horny and only had $5, so he went to a whore house. He told the women, "Gimme anything you got." So then he is having sex with this women and says "Gosh, you're really rough inside." She says "Hold on" and she goes to the bathroom. 10 minutes later she comes back and they start to do it again. He says "Now you're really smooth. What happened?" She says, "I picked off all the scabs."