Best jokes ever

Michael: "What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?" Matthew: "I don't know. What?" Michael: "Candy corneas."
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More jokes about: doctor, Halloween, food
Chuck Norris can dunk a basketball using his feet.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sport
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: You wouldn't know, it's kind of an obscure number.
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Q: If a cowboy rides into town on Friday and three days later leaves on Friday, how does he do it? A: The horse's name is Friday!
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More jokes about: cowboy, time, horse
Chuck Norris can blow a tornado away.
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How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just beat the room for being black.
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More jokes about: racist, cop, light bulb, black people
One step forward, 12 floors down.
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More jokes about: black humor
When Chuck Norris opens a bag of Doritos, it's fucking full!
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack. "How did that happen?" asks the first guy. "Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot." "Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."
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More jokes about: life, heaven, death, health, wife
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More jokes about: disgusting, fart