Doctor: "Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?"
Patient: "What pills?"
Benefits of having Alzheimer's:
You can wrap your own presents.
You are always meeting new friends.
Vote:
I lost 125 pounds.
It took me a long time, and it cost me a lot of money, but I finally divorced the bitch!
I just got home from a friends funeral, he drowned last week.
I was surprised that all the relatives were furious about my floral arrangement that was in the shape of a life jacket.
But as I told everyone, "It's what he would have wanted".
A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little sister pulled his hair.
"Don’t be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn’t realize that pulling hair hurts."
A short while later, there’s more crying, and the Mother goes to investigate.
This time the sister is bawling and her brother says…
"Now she knows."
The teacher asked Willy, "If you have seven cookies and Billy asks you for three, how many cookies have been left with you?"
Willy immediately answered, "Seven!"
*BOOM*
Mum shouts: "What was that?"
Me: "My coat fell."
Mum: "It sounded a lot heavier than that!"
Me: "I was in it."
What does a Blonde say after multiple orgasms?
Way to go team!
Q: What do gay guys have in common with bungee jumpers?
A: If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shit!
You might be a redneck if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
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