Best jokes ever

Q: How do you start a black parade? A: Roll a 40 down the street.
Vote: has 45.48 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts", and the patients complied by standing up. After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts", and they all sat back down in their seats. After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts." They all broke out into applause and cheered. When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts" and they all started booing and cat calling. Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he turned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, "What in the world happened?" The assistant replied, "Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, 'peanuts'".
Vote: has 45.45 % from 197 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sport, doctor, game, game, cat
A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?" "Fertilizer," the farmer replied. "What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy. "Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer. "You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar and cream on ours."
Vote: has 45.43 % from 51 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, food
Q: What's long and hard on a blackman? A: The first grade.
Vote: has 45.39 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, school
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher. She then called on Little Tommy. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny... Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"
Vote: has 45.32 % from 97 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: little Johnny, teacher, beauty, communication, family
What do you call it when someone farts in a Gay Bar? Mating call
Vote: has 45.30 % from 146 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: gay, fart
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. "Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me." "I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."
Vote: has 45.29 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, divorce, animal, celebrity
Most babies born today are very young.
Vote: has 45.29 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
Did you hear about the gay French General? He blew Napoleon's Bonaparte!
Vote: has 45.29 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military
Two random variables were talking in a bar. They thought they were being discrete but I heard their chatter continuously.
Vote: has 45.29 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: math, bar