Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? A: Forget-me-nuts.
Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired? A: Because he couldn't keep his calves together!
Chuck Norris once won the Iditarod by pulling his team of dogs on the sled.
Curiosity didn't kill the cat. Chuck Norris did.
I took a day off from work to play golf. I was on the fourth hole, when I discovered a small frog sitting on the green. I paid it no attention until I heard, "Ribbit. 9-iron." That's curious, I thought, but decided to trust the frog. I pulled out a 9-iron and sunk a hole-in-one. Amazed, I picked up the frog and asked where we should go next. "Ribbit. Vegas." We went to Vegas, and I asked the frog what we should do first. "Ribbit. Roulette." We went up to the roulette table, and I won big. I took my earnings and got the best room in the hotel. I asked the frog if there was anything I could do to repay it. "Ribbit. Kiss me." I figured, what the hell, and I kissed the frog. It turned into a 15-year-old girl. That's how she ended up in my room, your Honor, and if I'm lying, my name's not R. Kelly. Tweet Share
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
A skunk and a rabbit were running through the woods and accidentally they collided with each other. They both got amnesia from the crash. "Who am I? What am I?" said the rabbit confused. "Well, you're one such... with a short tail, long ears..." "I guess!" shouted the rabbit, "I'm a rabbit!" "And what am I?" asked the skunk. "Ah! Yes. You're one such hairy, smelly, with a strip in the middle..." "Wow!", yelled the skunk, "Probably I'm an ass!"
Local mountain lions have been complaining about the recent string of Chuck Norris attacks.
What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost!
In India, cows wait until Chuck Norris crosses the street.