The best black humor jokes

What do you do if an epileptic falls in your pool? Throw in your laundry.
Vote: has 78.34 % from 84 votes. Send joke:

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At the doctors office: Doc: "Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live…" Man: "Doctor what on earth are you saying?”, clearly chocked, “Tell me what can I do to live at least a little linger, please…" Doc: "Do you eat fried food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ill do it" Doc: "Do you eat fat food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok doc" Doc: "Do you stay up late?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok" Doc: "Do you have sex often?" Man: "Yes! Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I’ll do that too" Doc: "Do you smoke?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I will" Doc: "Do you drink?" Man: "Yes..." Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "OK doctor, but you didn’t tell me, if I do all the things you told me, how longer will I live?" Doc: "You will still live for a week… but it will seem like a century…"
Vote: has 78.31 % from 237 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, life, sex
Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes. Now it is the third man's turn. He asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"
Vote: has 78.15 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, family, death
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, “When did you bag him?” The host said proudly, “That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.” “What’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter. “My ex-wife” replied the hunter.
Vote: has 78.06 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, hunting, animal, wife
Use to be we had Bob Hope, Johnny Cash, and Steven Jobs. Now we have no hope, no cash, and no jobs. Please do not die Kevin Bacon.
Vote: has 78.01 % from 115 votes. Send joke:

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Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.
Vote: has 77.88 % from 60 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, car, kids
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
Vote: has 77.77 % from 150 votes. Send joke:

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If you're scared of dying alone then become a bus driver.
Vote: has 77.76 % from 54 votes. Send joke:

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How can you help a starving cannibal? Give him a helping hand.
Vote: has 77.74 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, food
There was a 3 car accident in Mexico yesterday, 84 people were found dead.
Vote: has 77.59 % from 97 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor