The best funeral jokes

An old, old man was lying in his death bed upstairs. His most favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies. As he lay there, gasping for each breath, he was sure he could smell freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs. Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate chip cookies on the table. He finally made it to the table and he reached a shaking hand towards the cookies. Suddenly, his wife slapped his hand sharply and yelled, "DON’T TOUCH THOSE - they’re for the funeral!"
Vote: has 54.15 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people, death, food, funeral, wife
Q: What's the slowest thing on 80 wheels? A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
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More jokes about: black humor, funeral
Chuck Norris puts the fun in funeral.
Vote: has 48.02 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris cancelled his own funeral.
Vote: has 48.02 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris wears white to a funeral, no one asks why.
Vote: has 46.10 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

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I used to hate weddings, all the old ladies would prod me and say "you'll be next!" They soon stopped that, when I started saying it to them at funerals !
Vote: has 34.04 % from 64 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, wedding, funeral
It's the 7th game of the Stanley Cup Finals. At the beginning of the game, a guy sits down in his seat and notices an empty seat and another gentleman next to him. "Can you believe it?" the man says to the gentleman, "It's game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals and there is actually an empty seat! What's up with that I wonder!" The gentleman speaks up and says, "Well, you see the seat belonged to my wife. We went to the games together." "Where is your wife? The man asks cautiously. "She passed away," said the gentleman. "Oh, I'm sorry, you could not get anyone else to come to the game with you?" said the man. Said the gentleman with a slight smirk "No, they're all at the funeral."
Vote: has 30.41 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sport, game, funeral
Q: Why are there only two paulbears at a black guys funeral? A: There are only two handles on a garbage can.
Vote: has 30.28 % from 83 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, funeral
A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." "No, we came to make sure he was dead."
Vote: has 28.61 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, funeral, death
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave." "Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once, I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!
Vote: has 28.11 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: navy, death, funeral, management