Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.
Mohan (to the doctor): "Doctor, can you diagnose my Illness?" Doctor: "Your eyesight seems to be poor." Mohan: "How did you come to that conclusion?" Doctor: "You seemed to have missed noticing the sign, hung outside. This is a veterinary hospital."
Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?" Voice: "This is my father."
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.
Q: Did you hear about the new Viagra eye-drops? A: Apparently they make you look hard.
Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients? They hid their own eggs!
Little Johnny was in church with him mom for Sunday Mass when he suddenly felt nauseous. "Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!" She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you." So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face. "Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?" "I didn't have to go that far, mom. Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK."
What's the definition of bravery? A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!
Chuck Norris once caught a cold, then he killed it!
Q: Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused a Novocain injection during root canal treatment? A: He wanted to transcend dental medication!