The best health jokes

When Chuck Norris first saw Dragon Ball Z he thought it was a series of easy workout videos.
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health, fitness
Doctor (to the patient: "Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?" Patient: "Yes, sir. But I did not drink it." Doctor: "Why?" Patient (Pointing to the bottle): "Because it is written on the label: 'Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.'"
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More jokes about: life, health, drug
A cowboy and a retard are sitting at home bored. The cowboy says," let's go down to the bowling alley and beat up niggers." The retard says ," OK ". When they arrive , the cowboy sees five black dudes bowling. He goes over and starts beating their asses. He stops and looks to see the retard smashing bowling balls with a sledgehammer. He goes over and says, " hey... I thought we was gonna beat up niggers?" The retard responds, " yeah...you get the live ones, I'll kill the eggs ."
Vote: has 68.01 % from 59 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, cowboy, black people, health, death
Patient: "Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?" Doctor: "Use a pencil till I come to see your son."
Vote: has 67.52 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
Patient goes to Doctor, doctor starts looking at him... - Good, good, good... - Doctor, what's good? - Good that I don't have what you have...
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, doctor, health
When Chuck Norris has a heart attack, he attacks back.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good." Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: mean, men, women, health, flirt
A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
Vote: has 65.68 % from 75 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, doctor, health, time, marriage
A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.
Vote: has 65.32 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, kids, Halloween, health
A man went to visit his doctor. “Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?” the man pleads. The doctor rolls up the man’s sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. “Hello, Doctor, says the arm. “Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I’m desperate!” “Aha!" says the doctor, "I see the problem. Your arm is broke!”
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, doctor, health