Chuck Norris doesn't go to therapy, therapy goes to Chuck Norris.
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When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor exclaimed, "It's a man!"
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Chuck Norris was born feet first.
It was the only time a doctor died during childbirth.
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When Chuck Norris was born, he cut his own umbilical cord.
He then used it to strangle the doctor who slapped him on the but.
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When Chuck Norris was born, the only person crying was the doctor.
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Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
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The reason Chuck Norris has never been a doctor on House is because, he would find the diagnosis in one second.
It'd always be Norris Anger Disease.
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Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Fedor Emelianenko because he takes Fedor to the vet regularly.
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A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining
it to a prospective patient. He told her, “I’ll install a special screw in the top
of your skull. Your hair will cover it so it will be unnoticed. Whenever you need
a little tuck, we’ll just tighten the screw a little,… and the wrinkles will disappear!”
The woman was enthused and told the doctor to, “GO FOR IT!” The surgery
was a resounding success, and the woman went home happy.
A few months later, the woman returned in a great state of agitation.
She pointed to her face and said, “Just look at these bags under my eyes!
Where the hell did they come from?”
The surgeon looked at her closely and said,
“Those aren’t BAGS under your eyes.
Those are your breasts.
And if you keep messing around with that screw,… pretty soon you’ll have a goatee!”
Chuck Norris can pop every kernel in the bag without burning one.
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Doctor to patient: "Why are you nervous?"
Patient: "Because this is the first item I am going to have An operation."
Doctor: "But I am not nervous though this is going to be my first operation."
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