What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head? A tiger moth.
The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there. Well, sir," is the reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have ... urges. That's why we have the camel,sir." "The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay." About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges, and asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent . Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has sex with the camel. When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?" "No sir," the First Sergeant replies. "They usually just ride the camel into town."
Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar? A: The lid said, "Twist to open."
That bull you sold me is a lazy good-for-nothing. I told you he was a bum steer.
Why did the farmer fence in the bull? The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!
How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg? Unhoppy.
Gemma:My dog doesn't have a nose. Ortoise: How does he smell? Gemma: Awful!
How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group? Look for gray hares.
What do you get when a cow goes to the Beach with tanning oil? Pre-tanned leather.
A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, and dirty Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."
What fur do we get from a tiger? As fur as possible!