What's the definition of a nervous breakdown?
A chameleon on a tartan rug.
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How should you treat a baby goat?
Like a kid.
What do you call a flying skunk?
A smellicopter.
Local mountain lions have been complaining about the recent string of Chuck Norris attacks.
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Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades.
Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.
For one whole year Bill ignores the dog.
So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.
After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house.
Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler.
'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly.
Exasperated dragon on the field of battle: "Mother said there would be knights like this."
Q: How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?
A: I don’t know.
I didn’t think sheep could knit!
Q: Why do cops arrest black people?
A: Because monkeys belong in cages.
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Q: If a horses foot covers 2 acres of land, what will his tail cover?
A: His ass!
Chuck Norris invented the Giraffe when he roundhouse kicked a spotted Horse in the chin.
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