Q. What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle?
A. Wheeeee.
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What's green green green green green?
A frog rolling down a hill.
Two lawyers walking through the woods attracted the attention of a vicious-looking bear.
The bear noticed them, and started to walk toward them.
The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulling out a pair of sneakers, and started putting them on.
The second lawyer looked at him and said: "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"
"Oh, I know that. Bears are much faster than humans.
I have no hope of ever being able to outrun a bear."
"If you know that, why are you changing shoes?"
"Well, the way I figure it," the first lawyer replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear.
I only have to outrun you."
Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother?
For smoking in bed.
How can you tell when a skunk is angry?
It raises a stink.
What does a bunny use when it goes fishing?
A harenet.
Why did Bossy tell the cowpoke to leave her calf alone?
She thought children should be seen and not herded!
What band is a cow favorite?
Moody Blues.
What do you get when you cross a frog and a rabbit?
A rabbit that says, "Ribbit."
I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman…
“Mr Cook?”
“Yes,” I replied.
“I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.”
I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”
What did the flower say to be the bee?
"Buzz off you stupid ugly horny cunt."
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