Did you hear about the horse that has made a dozen films?
He's not a star though, he just does bit parts!
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Two crocks rest on the basin of a zoo talking:
Yesterday, the caretaker cursed me, said the older one.
What did you do?
Asks the other. - I’ve swallowed him...
Q: What do you call a cow during an earthquake?
A: A milk shake.
A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom's annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love making.
Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it.
The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a large suitcase.
The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try." That didn't work.
Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try."
Still no success.
So, he said, "Look. Let's both get on top."
At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak and said: "Zoo or no zoo.
I just gotta see this."
Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet?
A: Winnie the Pooh.
Vote:
Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass.
At Night.
Vote:
Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station?
Because it's a mane-lion station.
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car.
Another hunter approached pulling his along too.
"Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something… but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground."
After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.
A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"
"Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck," the other added.
Q: Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow?
A: So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.
"Did you hear about the farmer who lost control of his tractor in the cow pasture?"
"No."
"Did he hurt the cows?"
"No, he just grazed them."