Thousands of years ago cats were worshipped as gods.
Cats have never forgotten this.
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Why is it difficult to identify horses from the back?
They re always switching their tails.
Q: What is a black cat's favorite color?
A: Purrrrrr-ple!
A man is walking home when he sees a dog buying meat for his owner.
The man watches the dog when the butcher takes a little to much and growls and him until he gets the right amount.
The man follows the dog and watches as the dog stands on two legs and helps an old lady across the street.
Amazed the man follows the dog home and watches the dog ring the doorbell.
When the owner comes to the door the owner takes the bags and tells the dog to stay in the front yard.
Frustrated the man goes up to the owner and yells "This dog is amazing! He gets your groceries, makes sure you have the exact change, helps old ladies across the street and this is how you treat him!"
The owner replies, "I know but,this is the 3rd time this week he left his keys".
Chuck Norris was mauled by a bear once, then the bear woke up and apologized.
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Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
A: To get chocolate milk.
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse.
Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass.
When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter.
When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell.
He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "piss on you all and have a hell of a night."
What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?
An udder failure.
Q: Why do bunnies have soft sex?
A: They have cotton balls.
What is the definition of "moon"?
The past tense of "moo"!