If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
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Yo momma so nasty i had phone sex with her and she gave me an earinfection.
Girl, do you need to get your protein macros up?
Because I'd gladly put my meat inside you.
Why are black peoples eyes red after sex?
Pepper spray.
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How do you know when your cat’s finished cleaning himself?
He’s smoking a cigarette.
Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.
Nigel, a college student is talking to a friend.
‘Y’ know,’ he says.
‘I think my room-mate is queer.’ ‘Why d’you say that?’ asks the student.
‘Well,’ replies Nigel.
‘Every time I kiss him goodnight he shuts his eyes.’
Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
A. Goes-in-tight!
A furniture store keeps calling me.
But all I wanted was one night stand.
Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson, and bragged that despite his 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. Kylie Minogue, who was also a guest, looked intrigued.
After the show, Kyle said, “Sean, if I am not being too forward, I’d love to have sex with an older man. Let’s go back to my place.”
So they go back to her place and have great sex.
Afterwards, Sean says, “If you think that was good, let me sleep for half an hour, and we can have even better sex. But while I’m sleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and my dick in your right hand.”
Kylie looks a bit perplexed, but says, “Okay”.
He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex.
Then Sean says, “Kylie, that was wonderful. But if you let me sleep for an hour, we can have the best sex yet. But again, hold my balls in your left hand, and my Dick in your right hand.”
Kylie is now used to the routine and complies.
The results are mind blowing.
Once it’s all over, and the cigarettes are lit, Kylie asks “Sean, tell me, does my holding your balls in my left hand and your dick in my right stimulate you while you’re sleeping?”
Sean replies, “No, but the last time I slept with a slut from Melbourne, she stole my wallet.”
Q: Chuck Norris invented the internet?
A: Just so he had a place to store his porn.
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