Joke #12243

Q: How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. They just have a nursing student do it.

Q: How many University Graduates does it take to change a light bulb? A: One, but it may take up to seven years!

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!" The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room. About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company." The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. Men will screw anything.

Three nurses died and went to heaven, where they were met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. To the first, he asked, "What did you do on Earth and why should you go to heaven?" "I was a nurse in an inner city hospital," she replied. "I worked to bring healing and peace to the poor suffering city children." "Very noble," said St. Peter. "You may enter." And in through the gates she went. To the next, he asked the same question: "So what did you do on Earth?" "I was a nurse at a missionary hospital in Africa," she replied. "For many years, I worked with a skeleton crew of doctors and nurses who tried to reach out to as many peoples and tribes with a hand of healing and with a message of God's love." "How touching," said St. Peter. "You too may enter." And in she went. He then came to the last nurse, to whom he asked, "So, what did you do back on Earth?" After some hesitation, she explained, "I was just a nurse at an HMO." St. Peter pondered this for a moment, and then said, "Okay, you may enter also." "Whew!" said the nurse. "For a moment there, I thought you weren't going to let me in." "Oh, you can come in," said St. Peter, "but you can only stay for three days..."

One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this pointless information" "To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted. "It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school," replied the professor.

If you give three liberals a light bulb what would happen? The first one would say its causing global warming. The second one would say its racist. The third one would say its not a light bulb unless Obama says let there be light.

Q: How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: The lights out, how can u count them?

I'll be honest. I did not graduate at the top of my class. In fact, I was so close to the bottom, my sheepskin had a tail.

Q: What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket? A: "Some asshole has my pen!"

Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one, but millions volunteered to get rid of anything dark