Q: What's the difference between Miley Cyrus and a salad?
A: The salad is dressed.
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Chuck Norris once gave a man an apple.
Today that man is known as Steve Jobs.
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Chuck Norris ate once at Hard Rock Cafe.
It's now called Shakey's.
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If kim kardashian was a donut wat kind would she be?
Chocolate filled.
Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson?
He thought he would give him a paunch!
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My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.
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A blonde walks into a library and says, "Can I have a burger and fries?"
The librarian says, "I'm sorry, this is a library."
So the blonde whispers, "Oh sorry! can I have a diet coke then?"