Q: How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving?
A: He was very thinkful.
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A paralegal, an associate, and a partner of a prestigious law firm are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you one."
"Me first!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with Tom Cruise."
Poof! She's gone.
"Me next!" says the associate. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other."
Poof! He's gone.
"You're next," the Genie says to the partner.
The partner says: "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Q: What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey?
A: Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!
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Q: Why dont blacks celebrate Thanksgiving?
A: Because KFC isn't open on holidays.
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When Superman wants vacation time it has to be approved by Chuck Norris.
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J: What did Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving day?
A: TWERKY!
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My girlfriend said she wanted a perfect holiday, so I had to stay home!
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I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation.
Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
Q: What's brown and white and flies all over?
A: Thanksgiving turkey, when you carve it with a chainsaw!
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Kim Kardashian use to be 8 feet tall until Chuck Norris uppercut both her feet and that is why her ass is so big.
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A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night.
As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "here put these on."
She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body.
"I can’t wear your pants," she said.
"That’s right!" said the husband, "and don’t you forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family!"
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
He said, "Hell, I can’t get into your panties!"
She said, "That’s right, and that’s the way it’s going to be until you change your attitude…"