Q: What's a terrorist's favorite day in November?
A: Bomb fire night.
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There were only two people in line ahead of me at the electronics store, yet the wait was dragging on forever.
Finally, the customer behind me muttered, "Mr. Hare must be on vacation."
Only then did I notice the name tag on the man at the register. It read: "Mr. Turtle, sales associate."
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Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage.
They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
Knew a Muslim kid in college who was notorious for being late to everything.
We called him 9/12.
An Indian soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.
The CO says "Are you crazy?
You just join the Indian army, and you already want a 3-day pass?
You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"
So the soldier comes back a day later in a Pakistani tank!
The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?"
"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the Border.
As I saw a Pakistani tank. I put my white flag up, the Pakistani tank put his white flag up.
I said to the Pakistani soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"
A Lalu brought a simple, spendthrift wife from a small town in Bihar.
He convinced her that they should go for Honeymoon.
The wife would not understand complex term as honeymoon and kept asking for explanation.
Lalu said, "Let me feel you my manhood in Honeymoon and you would know."
They went.
Had lots of fun and came back.
Wife back at home asked, "I still don’t understand what is this honeymoon that we went for."
The Husband said, "Oh, we were together, had so many hugs, kisses, varieties of sex, jokes, fun all that is honeymoon."
The spendthrift wife got angry, "You should have told me that before. Back in town, Malu, Kalu, Suru and I were together all the times, and had this fun without spending a dime of my money."
Your families are extremely proud of you.
You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing.
This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
Q: Where did OP go in the explosion?
A: Everywhere.
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One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from a hotel in the country, when another man came and sat down.
By way of conversation, the man asked the other what he was doing there.
"I'm on a honeymoon."
"Oh. Shouldn't you be having sex with your wife?"
"Well, I would be. But she has a yeast infection."
"What about oral sex?"
"Gingivitis."
"Anal sex?"
"Diarrhea."
"Pardon my question, but why are you with her?"
"Well, I like fishing. And she's got worms."
July 4th is Independence day.
And the day Chuck Norris was born.
Coincidence? I think not.
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