Chuck Norris often walks on Bikini Atoll during tests to get a tan.
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Kim Kardashian use to be 8 feet tall until Chuck Norris uppercut both her feet and that is why her ass is so big.
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We're hoping Chuck Norris doesn't go bald on top.
It's a bad look with his mullet.
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Think of the hottest woman.
Chuck Norris did her.
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Q: How does Jesus celebrate Easter?
A: He gets a manicure, pedicure, and has his nails polished.
Always be yourself, unless you can be Chuck Norris, then always be Chuck Norris.
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During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the priest with an unusual offer:
"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows.
When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out."
He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the priest looked the young man in the eye and said:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes, I do" then leaned toward the priest and hissed:
"I thought we had a deal."
The priest put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered:
"She made me a better offer."
Chuck Norris once shook a pirates hand.
That pirate is now known as Captain Hook
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In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease".
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Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
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Chuck Norris tangled with Wolverine.
He beat to him to a bloody pulp, then dared him to heal himself.
Wolverine will not be in the next X-Men movie.
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