What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
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How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE......He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
Vote:
Chinese and American are in a plane.
Suddenly, Chinese puts his shoes off and American is angry.
After some time, he goes to buy a coke, but Chinese says that he'll do it.
While he's gone, American spits into his shoes.
Chinese gets back and American drinks his coke.
That repeats a couple of times,and after the flight American admits, "I spitted in your shoes, sorry."
Chinese answers, "That's how we do it. We spit in each others shoes, we piss into each others cokes..."
A man goes into a florist and says, "I want to buy some flowers for my girlfriend".
"Certainly sir", she responds, "and what in particular are you after"?
After some thought, the man answers, "a shag".
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.
After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!".
The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish.
The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home.
The second guy wishes the same.
The third guy says "I'm lonely.
I wish my friends were back here."
Vote:
A doctor says to his patient, "I have bad news and worse news."
"Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient.
The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live."
"That's terrible," said the patient.
"How can the news possibly be worse?"
The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
Q: How does a man show he is planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer.
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.