What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.
Question: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? Answer: When she starts her sentence with, “A man once told me…”
How do you know if a man is lying? His lips are moving!
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall. They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
A man had a party where all the rich people attend. And the he had a pool with alligators. So he announced that anyone who will swim across this pool and come out alive will be granted three wishes. But no one wanted to go for the challenge. All of a sudden, there was a big splash and a man was swimming like a hell and came out alive. So the host asked, "What are your three wishes?" The man replied, "Give me the shotgun and bulllets and show me the idiot that pushed me in..."
What is a "successful hunting trip"? When three men kill 9 cases of Budweiser in two days
Men are like buses. One comes every 15 minutes.
A hubby is having a short conversation with his wife. See dear, if you got home early from work one day and you found me pounding on another woman, this would be called an awkward situation! So its the same honey, if you came home early from work and found me in bed with another man? No darling, you are now confused and mixing the awkward situation with proper beating!
I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons, I'm a catholic and living with him is hell.
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? A. Both of them.