Q: What has 12 arms, 12 legs, and 12 eyes?
A: 12 pirates.
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A man comes home and tells his wife to tell him something that is going to laugh and cry.
Wife thinks for a minute and says... "of all your friends you have the biggest dick."
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's steering wheel stuck to the front of his pants.
The bartender asks, "Hey, doesn't that hurt?"
The pirate growls, "Aye, it's drivin' me nuts."
I was taking a golf lesson at the range one day trying to improve my game.
This old pro was sitting there giving the lesson and after every swing, he said: "your standing too close the ball".
So I adjusted my stance and took another swing.
Again the golf pro looked up from his seat and said the Same thing "you are too close to the ball."
So I stepped back a little more and swung.
This went on for another six swings with the same advice and finally, out of exasperation I screamed what the hell are you talking about!
The old pro said, "no no, you are too close to the ball after you hit it".
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont."
The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die."
So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?"
The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting."
So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont."
The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
Q: What would it be a good idea for you to do after a man takes your wife?
A: Let him keep her!
Q: What's a pirate's favorite letter?
A: You would think R but it is the C that love.
Vote:
Me: "I love you."
You: "Is that you or the wine talking?"
Me: "It's me talking to the wine."
Vote:
How did Captain Hook die?
He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!
Vote:
Q: Where do pirates buy their parrot food?
A: Petsmarrrrrrrrt!