Joke #1409

Worst way to ask for anal: "Aww come on...I bet my dick is tiny compared to some of the shits you've taken!"

Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"? Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop"

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

There's something actionable in your pants.

I could never fight a gay guy. I don't know how to start. "I'm gonna beat your ass... I mean I'm gonna f*ck you up... no, I mean I'm stick my foot so far up your ass.. no, not like that, I mean Fuck you, damn it, I give up

Did you hear about the idiot who put ice in his condom? He wanted to keep the swelling down.

Why is sex like a game of bridge? You don’t need a partner if you’ve got a good hand.

Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!" "Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive." "I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?" "Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are." "I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!" "Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"

Girl, do you need to get your protein macros up? Because I'd gladly put my meat inside you.

What did one tit say to the other? I hope we get support soon or people will think we're nuts.

Q. Why don't little girls fart? A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.