Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $10 million in the lottery?
He's so happy that he's giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.
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Yo mama so poor she bragged about the time she almost ate at a restaraunt.
Yo mommas so poor the roaches pay the light bill!
Q: Why do beavers spend a fortune on the Internet?
A: They never want to log off.
Moody was awakened by the telephone at four A.M.
It was his Ku Klux Klan buddy, Crumm, calling long distance from Montgomery.
"What's the matter?" asked Moody.
"Are you in trouble?"
"No!" said Crumm.
"What do you want, then?"
"Nothing!"
"Then how come you are calling me in the middle of the night?" asked Moody.
"Cause!" said the other redneck, "the rates are cheaper!"
Yo mama so stupid when she pays her bills she gives pennies to her cash.
A Rolls Royce pulls up in to an expensive restaurant.
A sheik emerges, followed by a harem of women and a rooster.
After ordering for himself and his harem, the sheik requests a basket of apples for the rooster.
The rooster proceeds to eats three baskets of apples.
The waiter asks the sheik about the voracious appetite of the rooster.
The sheik explains, "A genie granted me three wishes. My first wish was to have an endless supply of money. My second wish was to have many beautiful women. And my third wish was to have an insatiable cock."
A Jewish boy asked his father "Father, can you lend me 50 dollars?"
The father replied, "40 dollars, What do you need 30 dollars for?"
NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars.
Only one could go and couldn’t return to Earth.
The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going.
“A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.”
The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question.
He asked for $2 million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”
The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.”
“Why so much more than the others?” asked the interviewer.
The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to Mars.”
Valentines Slogans
10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.
9. Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.
8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store, In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.
7. This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.
6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class, Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.
5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!
4. Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.
3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".
2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!
1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
Librarians may be shy, but their patrons aren't.
Look at their oddball requests:
A patron offered me $100 to steal a cactus from somebody's yard.
A patron wanted me to find a book to teach her dog german.
A patron on his way to the casino asked to rub my red hair for luck.
A patron once asked me for my home phone number so she could call me with reference questions when I wasn't at work.