Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A. "Is that you mommy?"
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A little girl is in line to see Santa.
When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap.
Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No," said the little girl.
"She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken."
Kissing is a habit
Fucking is a game
Guys get all the pleasure
Girls get all the pain
The guy says I love you
You believe its true
But when your tummy starts to swell,
He says 'to hell with you'
10 minutes of pleasure
9 months in pain
3 days in hospital
A baby without a name
The baby is a bastard
The mother is a whore
This never wouldn't have happened
If the rubber wouldn't have torn
"Dad, your Father's Day gift is another year of not having to pay for my wedding."
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At a dancing party a shy boy approached a girl and asked, "Will you dance with me, please?"
The arrogant girl says, "I don’t dance with a kid."
The taken back boy apologized, "I am sorry, I did not realize you were pregnant."
Yo Momma so ugly she makes blind children cry.
Boy’s father come back from uk & was calling his wife.
Boy:- papa mom has died.
father slaped boy & said why u dont inform me when i was in America
Boy :- i thought i will give u a surprise.
Q: What's red and goes up and down?
A: A tomato in an elevator.
When terrorists feed their children, do they use the airplane method of "open wide" while making airplane noises?
Or do they just smash it into their faces?
My wife stormed into the pub last night as me and the boys were downing shots of Tequila.
"You're coming home now!" she screamed.
"No, I'm not," I laughed.
She said, "I'm talking to the kids."
Two guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it.
Being curious, they go over and check it out.
When they look down, they are surprised to find they can’t see the bottom.
So they drop a couple of rocks down the hole and listen…
Nothing.
One of them says, "Man, that’s a deep hole!"
Thinking they might hear something larger hit the bottom, they find a big, old cinder block and pitch it over the side.
The pause and listen intently…
They hear a sound, but it is coming from behind them!
They quickly turn around to see a goat bearing down on them with it head lowered, flying along, its feet barely touching the ground, its moving so fast!
The two men dive out of its way just in time and the goat plunges past them, into the seemingly bottomless hole, to its doom.
The two look at each other and say, "Boy that was close! We’d better get away from this thing before we end up with the goat!"
So they continue on their way down the road until they happen across this farmer working near it.
The men again put their heads together and figure that the goat belongs to the farmer and the decide to tell him what happened.
"Hey Mr. Farmer. Do you happen to own a goat?" one of the men asked.
The farmer replies, "Yeah, why do you ask?"
The men then tell what happened at the hole and how they narrowly avoided death in the hole from the speeding goat.
The farmer said, "Well boys, I don’t think that was my goat. You see, my goat was really old and crippled up with arthritis. There is no way he could have been moving that fast. Besides, I had him tied to this big, old cinder block."