Joke #2872

How do you call a Triceratops with horns on his butt? Tricera-bottoms.

If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of food.

What do you call a frog with no legs? It doesn't matter- he won't come anyway.

Chuck Norris once walked in the opposite direction in the Running of the Bulls. The bulls turned around and ran for their lives.

David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an obscenity. Those that weren’t expletives, were to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shocked the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the bird in the freezer, just for a few moments. He heard the bird squawk and kick and scream-then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’ll endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness.” David was astonished at the bird’s change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, “May I ask what did the chicken do?”

"I can't decide whether to buy a bicycle or a cow for my farm." "Well, wouldn't you look silly riding a cow?" "I d look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle!"

A man had a party where all the rich people attend. And the he had a pool with alligators. So he announced that anyone who will swim across this pool and come out alive will be granted three wishes. But no one wanted to go for the challenge. All of a sudden, there was a big splash and a man was swimming like a hell and came out alive. So the host asked, "What are your three wishes?" The man replied, "Give me the shotgun and bulllets and show me the idiot that pushed me in..."

You know Chuck Norris' pet lizard, right? Last I heard, he was in the movie "Godzilla". Oh, and his pet turtle starred in "Gamera" as well.

What happens when you put the batteries in BACKWARDS in the Energizer Bunny? He keeps coming and coming and coming...

A blind man with an assistance dog was getting ready to cross the street. When the dog took him across he almost got ran over by the traffic and the cars where sliding everywhere to avoid hitting him. When he got to the other side, he took out a treat to give to the dog. A spectator who saw what happened couldn't believe his eyes. He ran over to the blind man and said, "Sir, why are you rewarding that dog, he almost got you killed?" The blind man replied, "I'm trying to find his head so I can kick his ass!"

Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws? It costs an arm and a leg to eat there.