Joke #3100

Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before!" Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir!"
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The All Blacks were playing England, and after the half-time whistle blew they found themselves ahead 50-0, Jonah Lomu getting eight tries. The rest of the team decided to head for the pub instead of playing the second half, leaving Jonah to go out on his own. "No worries," Jonah told them, "I'll join you later and tell you what happened." After the game Jonah headed for the pub where he told his teammates the final score: 95-3. "What!!!!" said a furious Josh Kronfeld, "How did you let them get three points??!" Jonah replied apologetically, "I was sent off with 20 minutes to go."
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These two hunters went moose hunting every year without success. Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. (emphasis on fool) They got themselves a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure in the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. So, they set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, in their costume, and began to give the moose love call. Before too long their call was answered by bull in the forest. They called again, the bull answered closer to them. They called again, The bull answered, and came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. As the bulls' pounding hoof beats got closer the guy in front said, "OK, lets get out and get him"! After a moment, that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouts - "THE ZIPPER IS STUCK, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?!" The front guy says, "Well, I'm gonna start nibbling grass, but you better start to "brace yourself!"
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Chuck Norris was banned from the Olympics because his mere presence is considered a performance-enhancing substance.
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Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
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Q:Why is basketball the grossest sport there is? A:Because they dribble all over the court.
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I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley.. She said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, permanent."
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The wife of a boxer wakes up because of the sounds that come from the dining room. She wakes her husband up: Rocky, I think someone wants a particular boxing lesson...
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Q: What is the difference between Cheerios and Georgia Tech? A: Cheerios belong in a bowl.
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Billy and Joe were huge baseball fans. One day, both Billy and Joe made a pact that if either of them were to die; they had to come back to the other in the form of a ghost to let the other know if baseball was played in heaven. Sure enough, Billy dies and eventually comes to Joe one night in the form of a ghost. A startled Joe realizes it is the ghost of his deceased friend and says "Billy, it is so good to see tell me, is there baseball in Heaven?". "Well", Billy says, "I have some good news and bad news for ya. First the good news...YES, there is baseball in heaven!". "Thank God!" Joe shouts... "What is the bad news?!". "You're pitching tomorrow."
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When I see you, there's a Ruthian blast in my pants. High five!
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