What is black and white and red all over? (A panda bear with a sunburn!)
Three women are discussing their teenage daughters. The first declares: “I was so shocked last week. I was tidying my daughter”s room and I found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. I didn’t even know that she smoked!” “It gets worse than that,” says the second mother. “I was tidying my daughter”s room last week and I found a bottle of vodka under her bed. I didn’t even know that she drank!” “Oh, it gets even worse than that,” says the third mother. “I was tidying my daughter”s room last week and you”ll never guess what I found in her bedside cabinet: a packet of condoms! I didn’t even know that she had a penis!”
My dear old dad always said he had two big disappointments in life: the dog ran away and I didn't.
Mum,can i dress a bra? No. Why not.I am 14 years old! How many times I will say you "no", Michael...
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe." Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken." "No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken."
Why do bears have fur coats? (Because they look silly wearing jackets!)
He was such a big baby that the doctor was afraid to slap him.
Your mama is so ugly, that she made a blind kid cry.
Three kids were smoking behind the shed. "My dad can blow smoke through his nose!" boasted the first. "Ha, mine can blow smoke through this ears!" countered the second boy. "That’s nothing," piped up the third. "My dad can blow smoke through his arse. I know,‘cos I’ve seen the nicotine stains on his undies."
He was so ugly when he was born they didn’t know whether to buy a cot or a cage.
Q: What does a nosey pepper do? A: Gets jalapeno business!