A dog with three legs walks into a Wild West bar and says, ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.’
Thousands of years ago cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
What weighs 35 tons, has four fuzzy ears and is 80 million years old? Two rabbits riding a brontosaurus.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? a lickalotapus.
The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct...
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says: "Dam"
I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed. "There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
Q: Whats worse then finding half a worm in your apple? A: The Holocaust.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear. He sleeps with a real bear.
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a donkey walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the donkey's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the donkey. "Your name is written inside the cover."
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long? A runny bunny.