"I'm going to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. But it is just a formality." "Who told you that?" "Gynecologist."
The other day a friend and myself decided to try out an aerobics video because we were both feeling very unfit. We put the tape in and started to copy the movements. After a few minutes we had chopped each other's arms off with chain-saws. It was only then that we realized that I had accidentally put "Psycho Killers III" in the video by mistake! How we laughed!!!!
Why did the cannibal live on his own? He was fed up with other people.
The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace. "For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."
What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning? Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
If you're scared of dying alone then become a bus driver.
Q: What do you do when you see a black man with half a face? A: Stop laughing and reload.
Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor? They were given a right roasting.
How the children from Chernobil count from one to hundred? On the fingers!
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
A man answers the telephone to find a doctor from the hospital's emergency room on the other end. "Sir," explains the doctor, "Your wife was in a serious car accident. I have bad news and good news." The man, taken back, asks hesitatntly, "What's the bad news?" "The bad news is your wife has lost all use of both arms and both legs. She will likely be on a respirator for the rest of her life." "Heavens, Doc, what's the good news?" The doctor replies, "I'm kidding. She's dead."