A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian. "Look in the lion's mouth," the vet told him. "How do I do that?" he asked. "Carefully," replied the vet.
Little Susan was helping her mother to set the table, cause her father invited over his company managers. When everybody sat on the table, her mother noticed that a flatware set was missing. "Susan, why didn’t you put flatware on Mr. Marc’s seat?" "I thought that I didn’t have to, since dad told us that Mr. Marc, eats like a pig…"
Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn't get the moose in the oven!
Chuck Norris likes his meat rare, so he eats unicorns.
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven’t got the energy." "Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They’re packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bull Sh*t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there...
What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane? A dandy lion.
Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.
Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air. Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone." George echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore." Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark..."
Q: Why can't black kids play in the the sandbox? A: Because the cats keep covering them up.
Why do zebras have stripes? Because the spots where all over.
Labradoodles were made when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a Labrador and a Poodle at the same time.