A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian.
"Look in the lion's mouth," the vet told him.
"How do I do that?" he asked.
"Carefully," replied the vet.
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What do you call a snake that is exactly 3.14 meters long?
A πthon.
Q: Which American duo became famous for stealing horses?
A: Bonnie and Clydesdale.
Q: What do you get when you cross donkey DNA with an onion?
A: A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.
Why was the horseman fired from his job of saddle testing?
He was always standing up on the job!
Which rabbit was a famous female aviator?
Amelia Harehart.
Chuck Norris is the most feared predator on the planet.
That's why sharks have a Chuck Norris week.
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Chuck Norris can make a turtle go faster.
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An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse.
Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?"
"About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies.
The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"
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When Chuck Norris got stung by a bee, the Bee had an allergic reaction called Chuck Norris.
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There is a lady laying in bed.
At about midnight her husband comes walking in with a sheep under his arm and says ”That’s the fat pig I’ve been sleeping with when I’m not sleeping with you.”
His wife gets a confused look on her face and states ”but honey that’s not a pig its a sheep.”
Her husband says ”Shut up pig I’m talking to the sheep!”