What do you call a snake that is exactly 3.14 meters long?
A πthon.
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What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
Why don't lobsters share?
They re shellfish.
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question..
The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."
What did the bunny want to do when he grew up?
Join the Hare Force.
When is a lion not a lion?
When he turns into his cage.
Have you seen the offices of the RSPCA?
It’s tiny; you couldn’t swing a cat in there.
Q: What is black white and rolls around in the sand?
A: A black man and a segal fighting over a carp.
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Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.
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What’s the difference between a black and a white bull?
The white bull does: “Mooo”.
The black bull does: “Hey man, Mooo, man!”
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
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