Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: With a knife.
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I'm thinking about opening a summer camp for jewish kids with adhd and dyslexia, I'm gonna call it Concentration camp.
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How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
The prostitute stops fucking you after you’re dead.
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Two cannibals were having lunch.
"Your wife makes a great soup," said one to the other.
"Yes!" agreed the first. "But I'm going to miss her terribly."
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In the war, a German ship suspected that they were being tracked by an Irish submarine.
Unfortunately, they had used up all of their depth-charges.
As an alternative, one of their Divers decided to swim down to the submarine and knock on the door.
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
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A guy walks in the local whorehouse, says "I want the cheapest one you got, I don't have much money."
The guy behind the counter says "How bout the $1.95 cent special?"
The customer says "ok", and he paid, headed to the room.
When he opened the door, he found this beautiful broad spread out, just waiting for him.
He rips off his clothes and starts going to town on her.
Suddenly, all this white stuff starts coming out of her mouth, nose, ears.
He freaked, "omg she's sick."
He ran to the desk and told the guy what was happe ning, and the guy says "hey Joe! The dead one's full again!"
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Joke has 54.80 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: black humor, customer service, dirty, disgusting, money
One particular Christmas season a long time ago Santa was ready for his Christmas run... but there were problems.
Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit.
This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.
More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whisky.
When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the bottle and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.
Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door.
He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?"
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
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What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law?
There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
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When you were in the gang then, you just had to look cool, just walk around and look like you were tough.
Someone started talking about fighting -- 'No, man, I've got to go home.'
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Q: What do black people smoke?
A: Niggerettes.
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