The best military jokes

The soldier serving overseas and far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back. A creative fellow, he went out and collected from his buddies all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them to her with a note stating the following: "Dear Mary, I can not remember which one is you ... please keep YOUR photo and return the others!"
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Chuck Norris does not submit to homeland security, he IS homeland security.
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Q: Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper? A: They need a map....
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How many civil servants does it take to set fire to Guy Fawkes on November 5th? Twenty, One to strike the match and nineteen to fill in the paper work.
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A bulletproof jacket is an imitation of Chuck Norris' beard.
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Which branch of the military do babies join? The infantry!
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Q:What not to say to the nice policeman? A:I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
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Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
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An Australian Combat Field Engineer Sergeant and a U.S Marine were on exchange duty and were sharing the latrines. The Aussie Sergeant finished first and walked out without washing his hands. The U.S Marine watched in disgust, finished his squirt, washed his hands and walked up to the Aussie Sergeant and said. In the U.S Marine Corps we were taught to wash our hands after a leak”. The rather large Aussie Sergeant replied, ” In the Australian Army mate, we were taught not to piss on our hands …! ”
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On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice asked over the air, "Are there any friendly bears listening?" After a moment, another voice replied, "Yes, I'm a friendly bear," and then another voice, "I'm a friendly bear too!" At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and let loose a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on an radio link. When he had finished, there was silence for about ten seconds. Then a small voice said, "You're not a very friendly bear, are you?"
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