I thought I told you to lose weight.
Says the coach.
What happened to your three week diet that I told you to keep?
Well, I finished it in three days!
A teacher walks into her classroom and turns to the children and says, Today kids im going to ask you what job your daddy has!
She turns to the first child and says, What job dose your daddy have tina??
She replies; he is a carpenter miss.
The teacher turns to the next child and repeats the question...the child says he is the head of a multi-organic food chain.
Very good indeed says miss..........she turns to the next child and says.
What job does your daddy have Robert??
He replies... He's a male prostitute miss; and demands 50 quid.
No,No,No your lying to me Robert i can tell!
Ok then miss you got me i confess.........................................
HE PLAYS RUGBY FOR ENGLAND BUT IM TO ASHAMED TO SAY!!!
Ballet is banned within a 1000 miles of Chuck Norris.
Vote:
Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
A lawyer and a basketball player want to make a deal.
Suggest a place where both of them would be happy to meet.
Of course, they should at the court.
Vote:
Once Chuck Norris swam all the oceans for 7 days and oceans got cold.
Vote:
There was an old man named Bill, and one of the things he most enjoyed was playing golf with his old buddy Fred.
Bill's wife always commented on how happy he looked after a game.
But one day he came home from their weekly game looking terrible and very tired.
His wife asked, "What's the matter, Bill?
You always seem so happy after golf and you look miserable right now."
Bill said, "Well, something terrible happened.
Fred had a heart attack on the first hole."
"My God, honey!" said the wife, rushing to comfort him.
"That must've been terrible!"
"It was," he said.
"All day long it was: hit the ball, drag Fred to the ball, and then hit it again..."
Chuck Norris walked his version of a 40-yard dash in 5.6 seconds; he was later told it was the Boston Marathon.
Vote:
What is the difference between a golfer and a fisherman?
"When a golfer lies he doesn't have to bring anything home to prove it!
The way from the cabins to the ring is too long, says the boxer.
No worries, on your way back you will come back with the stretcher...