The best time jokes

Chuck Norris kills time in his spare time.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
Chuck Norris once saw a video that takes 24 hours to watch... He saw it 3 times a day.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
Some of us can "save the day," Chuck Norris can save a century.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
Q: What is foreplay for a Liberal? A: Thirty minutes of begging.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: democrat, time
I remember my guidance counselor. The guy studied for years for his job, and deepest thing he ever said to me was, "You have your whole life ahead of you."
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: memory, graduation, work, time, student
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you. The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
Vote: has 64.51 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, time, wife
A husband and wife are having financial troubles. They agree she should walk the streets to pick up some extra cash. The husband drops his wife off in the red light area of town, and returns 6 hours later. She gets in the car and says, "Look, I made $40.50 !" "What jerk gave you 50 cents?" he asks. "All of them!"
Vote: has 64.21 % from 159 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, husband, wife, money, time
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 am." The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said... "It is 5.00am; wake up."
Vote: has 63.39 % from 317 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife, time
Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband : Nothing. Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."
Vote: has 63.38 % from 447 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife, husband, time
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some work done."
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, wife, relationship, time