Q: Why don't women wear watches? A: There's a clock on the stove!
Q. How do you know if a Asian robbed your house? A. Your HW is done , computer is upgraded, 2 hrs later lil f***er still tryin back off the driveway.
Chuck Norris traveled around the world in 60 milliseconds.
Chuck Norris updates his DNA every 5 minutes.
Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.
A time paradox was invented when Chuck Norris went back in time to raise himself. Now he has provoked the event 2012.
A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone. One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I come in?" The man shouted "NO why don't you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain. One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that for?"
The November 5th Gunpowder Plot has been described as the 9/11 of its day. Staged by the government to discredit an entire religion.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He only brought enough money for one beer though. As hes drinking his beer, which was quite expensive, he realizes how bad he has to go to the bathroom. Not wanting anyone to drink his expensive beer, he takes out a 3x5 note card and writes on it, "I SPIT IN THIS BEER", and walks to the bathroom. When he comes back about 15 minutes later, theres another 3x5 note card next to his beer saying, "I SPIT IN IT TOO".
Chuck Norris can literally kill time.