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He: Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way. She: Well, you succeeded.
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What is the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent blonde? "There have actually been sightings of Bigfoot."
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What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase? ‘It’s okay, Daddy, I’m not hurt.’
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Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their jobs. One guy says, ''I'm a YUPPIE...ya know...Young, Urban, Professional. The second guy says, ''I'm a DINK ...ya know...Double Income No Kids.'' They asked the woman, ''What are you?'' She replied... ''I'm a WIFE...ya know... WASH, IRON, FUCK, ETC.''
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More jokes about: sport, bar, wife
One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."
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More jokes about: alcohol, cop, bar
Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.
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What does Michael Jackson call a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll? Bait!
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What fur do we get from a tiger? As fur as possible!
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More jokes about: animal
I went to the movie theater the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dachshund. It was a sad, funny kind of film. In the sad part, the dachshund cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dachshund laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man. "That's the most amazing thing I've seen," I said. "That dachshund really seemed to enjoy the film." The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is. He hated the book."
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Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.
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More jokes about: sport