What is the most famous shark?
William Sharkspeare.
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What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball?
They re both brown, except the snowball.
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common?
A: They are both baked chickens.
Q: What's worse than having termites in your piano?
A: Crabs on your organ.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
What do you call a snake that is exactly 3.14 meters long?
A πthon.
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car.
Another hunter approached pulling his along too.
"Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something… but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground."
After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.
A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"
"Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck," the other added.
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting.
When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump.
My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go."
"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.
"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered.
But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.
He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.