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I drink so much alcohol I’m afraid to smoke.
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OK, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
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The cost of living is the difference between your net income and your gross habits!
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A man orders a pint of beer, notices it tastes sour and complains to the barman. ‘What are you moaning about?’ says the barman. ‘You’ve only got a pint of that rubbish, I’ve got three barrels full.’
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Why did the mobster put his money in the freezer? He liked cold hard cash!
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Q: What do you call a chilly dog sitting on bunny? A: A Cold dog on a bun.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers? New Jersey got to pick first.
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What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"
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What’s six inches long, two inches wide and drives women wild? A fifty-dollar bill.
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What does a blonde use for protection during sex? A bus shelter.
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