The square root of Pain is Chuck Norris.
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A father tells his son to stop jacking off.
"You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says.
The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."
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The sexologist to Johny: "let´s talk about sex!"
Johny: "I have no idea."
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Teacher: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father: No. Why do you ask that?
Teacher: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
Q. What's the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a ''quickie'', only you do it yourself.
Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
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What's the difference between an apple and a black man?
None!
They both hang from trees.
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When you have a question you check with Google.
When Google has a question they check with Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris has a question everybody better run!
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A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Colorado Avalanche fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Avalanche fans too.
Not really knowing what an Avalanche fan is, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air.
There is, however, one exception.
A little girl has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I'm not an Avalanche fan," she retorts.
"Then," asks her teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a proud Detroit Red Wings Fan," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red.
She asks the little girl why she is a Wings fan.
"Well, my Dad and Mom are Wings fans, so I'm a Wings fan too," she responds.
The teacher is now angry. "That’s no reason," she says loudly.
"What if your Mom was a moron and your Dad was an idiot.
What would you be then?"
"Oh," says the little girl.
"Well, then I'd be an Avalanche fan."
The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday.
Better go tell him and send him in to see me."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops.
"Listen up, men," says the Sergeant.
"Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers.
The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance.
Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."
Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"
"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.
A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died.
You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation.
"Ok, men, fall in and listen up."
"Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, McGrath!"