Taylor swift: so he calls me up and he's all like "I still love you" and I'm like... Wait, is this Connor, Patrick, Joe, Luca, Taylor, John, Cory, Toby, Jake, Garret, Eddie, or Harry?
A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant. A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary. The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear." It says, "Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves."
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to clear his sinuses.
Chuck Norris can tap dance though a mine field... wearing clown shoes.
Chuck Norris was asked to star in Night of the Living Dead but filming was ended after the zombies were to afraid to be roundhouse kicked in the face.
Stores accept Monopoly money from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has stared Fear in the face... and Fear looked away.
Chuck Norris eats granite and drinks lava for his lunch.
Chuck Norris once won a drag race with a unicycle.
Chuck Norris can remember the future.