Q: How do you know you've got a good tax accountant?
A: He's had a loophole named after him.
Vote:
You mama so old she made yoda look young.
A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails.
When the police show up, they ask him what happened.
The shaken turtle replies, "I don't know. It all happened so fast."
Two statisticians go bird hunting.
The first one fires at the bird but overshoots by 5 feet.
The second one fires and undershoots the bird by 5 feet.
They both give each other a high-five and say "Got it!"
A sexy woman walks up to the counter and motions the bartender over.
She starts to run her fingers through his hair and asks to speak to the manager.
The Bartender replies, "Sorry, the manager is out. Can I help you?"
By this time the woman has run her fingers over his face and in his mouth where the horny bartender is gently sucking on them.
She says, "You sure he isn’t here?"
The bartender mumbles through her fingers, "Yes, he’s out for another 2 hours. Are you sure there is nothing I can do to help?"
The woman then says, "Oh, I only wanted to tell him there’s no toilet paper or soap in the ladies toilets!"
Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing.
He found her to be possessive and she hated his contractions.
The marriage felt like a sentence.
Vote:
Yo Momma so fat and ugly that when she applied to become a movie star she got the part "Godzilla".
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
Vote:
I drank so much wine last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass, I won the dance competition.
Q: Why can't skeletons play music at a church?
A: They have no organs.