Chuck Norris can remember the future.
When Chuck Norris put his hand over a magnet, the magnet comes to him out of pure fear.
Chuck Norris can never fill out an online form, because Chuck Norris will never submit.
Superman's weakness is kryptonite, kryptonite's weakness is Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris got stung by a bee, the Bee had an allergic reaction called Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can eat rice with one chop stick.
A blonde goes into a store and sees a shiny object on the shelf. She asks the clerk, “What is that shiny object?” The clerk replies, “That is a thermos.” The blonde then asks, “What does it do?” The clerk responds, “It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold.” The blonde says, “Oh! I could use something like that! I’ll take it!” The next day, as she walks into work with her new thermos she spots her boss and shows off her shiny new thermos, “I just got this yesterday, isn’t it wonderful! It’s a thermos and it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold!” The boss asks, “And what do you have in it?” The blonde replies, “Some coffee and a popsicle.”
Ozzy Ozbourne once bit the head off a bat. Not one to be outdone, Chuck Norris bit the head off Batman!
Q: What happens to the man who lost his whole left side of his body? A: He is all right now.
The list of names at the end of every Chuck Norris film is the list of people he's killed.