Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris is not 70 years old. At age 60, he began getting younger. This is why he is actually only 50.
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a will. Invincible people don't need them.
Q: What do you call an African-American whose spouse just died? A: A black widow.
What would you hear at a cow concert? Moo-sic!
My wife was dying. I was by her bedside. She said in a tired voice, "Theres something I must confess." "Shhh" I said, "theres nothing to confess. Everythings alright." "No I must die in peace. I had s*x with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!" "I know," I whispered "Thats why i posion you, now close your eyes!"
Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
Thundergun shot is a Chuck Norris sneeze.
Kim and Kanye naming their baby North West is just like Brad Pitt naming his kid Arm.