Three flies in a trashcan get trapped overnight in a bathroom. The first fly goes to the sink, the second fly stays in the tub, and the third fly chooses the toilet. The next morning, all the exhausted flies gather back in the garbage can. The first fly says, "I'm exhausted! I almost got washed down the drain." The second fly says, "I almost got squashed by feet in the shower!" The third fly says, "The toilet was fine until it suddenly got dark. First, I heard thunder, then it started to rain, and if it weren't for that big brown log, I surely would have drowned."
Every phobia known to man has a phobia of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't go to therapy, therapy goes to Chuck Norris.
Women prefer the simple things in life… like men.
Why are so many blondes rushing out to get breast implants? So they don't have to pay the flat tax.
Once, an entire country disagreed with Chuck Norris. It's now known as the moon
A boss has to fire one of 2 workers, Jack and Jill. However, Both Jack and Jill are skilled workers and he is finding it really, really difficult to pick. So after their shifts, Jack goes home before Jill does, and the boss goes over to Jill just before she gets into her car. He informs her of his dilemma. "Hey Jill, I have a problem." "Ok Boss, what is it?" she asks "I Can't decide whether to lay you or Jack off, what would you suggest?" "Well, you'd better get the vasoline, i'm going home!"
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris is not 70 years old. At age 60, he began getting younger. This is why he is actually only 50.