Best jokes ever

Q: What is the difference between Election day and Thanksgiving day? A: On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day; on Election day, you get a turkey for four years.
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One day a group of engineers got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. They picked one engineer to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. The engineer walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost." God listened patiently to the man and after the engineer was done talking, God said, "Very well! How about this? Let's have a man-making contest." The man replied, "Okay, great!" But God added, "Now we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam." The engineers said, "Sure, no problem." He bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt. God just looked at him and said, "No, no, no. Go get your own dirt!"
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Kim and Kanye naming their baby North West is just like Brad Pitt naming his kid Arm.
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Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
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Q: Why are there prairies? A: Because Chuck Norris scared the trees away.
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Chuck Norris can tie your hands behind your back with both hands tied behind his back.
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Chuck Norris made the universe... out of his snot and left kidney.
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Simon doesn't say... Chuck Norris says.
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Once, Chuck Norris told Nike to "just do it..." and it did.
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Scientists don't bother to calculate how many years old the planet earth is, they just say it's one Chuck old.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, science, age, math