Recently, I've been using the Bible for support. I've got a wobbly coffee table.
Q: Why can't lawyers do NMR? A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
When Chuck Norris plays sudoku, he can put two same numbers in one square and still solve it right.
Every night I play a game called "Should I pee or can I hold it till morning".
No! You don't have "Bad luck". You have low IQ and you make bad decisions.
You could give me 37 years to do homework and I still wouldn't do it until the night before.
I'll be honest. I did not graduate at the top of my class. In fact, I was so close to the bottom, my sheepskin had a tail.
It's 4:04. Do you know where your auditor is?
Mortal Kombat was originally called 'Ways Chuck Norris Can Kill You'.
A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.