The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink.
If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
Vote:
Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went?
It finally dawned on her.
Teacher: "Don't forget to check the Internet if you have trouble with your homework questions."
Pupil: "It's not the questions I have trouble with, it's the answers."
Q: Where's Spiderman's home page?
A: On the world wide web.
Vote:
Q: You know what lego set Trump played with as a kid?
A: The wall maker set.
Q: How do you kill an emo?
A: You don't you let depression do the work.
Vote:
Travel agency named „Bermuda triangle" – Let us meet on the other side.
Yo mama so fat that she walked out to a party wearing heels and came back wearing flip-flops.
Why does a chicken lay eggs?
Because if she dropped them, they’d break.