Yo' Mama is so ugly, her vibrator went soft.
Hi, I see that you're new to this gym, and I wanna be the first male to bother you.
Q: What happened when the owl lost his voice?
A: He didn't give a hoot!
Vote:
A guy takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game for the first time.
After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game.
Oh, I really liked it, she said, but I just couldn't understand though why they were beating each other up for 25 cents.
Surprised, the boyfriend asked, what do you mean?
The blonde girlfriend replied all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!'
What do women and condoms have in common?
If they're not on your dick they're in your wallet.
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer.
Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
Vote:
During the Iraq war, a Lieutenant asked the soldier why he was falling back during a really fierce battle, "Didn't you hear me say that we're outnumbered 4 to 1 ?"
The soldier replied, "I got my four Sir."
What did Adam say to Eve?
‘Stand back!
I don’t know how big this thing gets!’
Me: Staring contest. Go!
Me: O.O
Friend: -.-
Me: I win! You blinked! Haha
Friend: You bastard, I'm asian!
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse.
Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass.
When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter.
When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell.
He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "piss on you all and have a hell of a night."