Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q:What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama? A:Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears and Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.
A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "What would you like?" the fish says holding his neck, "Water".
Two hunters are stalking through the forest when one says to the other that he has to take a dump. "Well, go in the bushes." "What should I use to wipe my ass?" "Use a dollar bill." A few minutes later the hunter steps out of the bushes with s**t all over his hands. "What happened?" asks his friend. "I didn't have a dollar bill, so I used four quarters."
A man working with an electric saw accidentally saws off all 10 fingers. He rushes to the emergency room. The doctor says, "Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do." "But I don't have the fingers!" "Why didn't you bring the fingers?!" asks the incredulous doctor. "Doc, I couldn't pick them up."
Chuck Norris can turn carbon paper into diamonds.
Did you hear about the horse that has made a dozen films? He's not a star though, he just does bit parts!
What dinosaur can't stay out in the rain? Stegosaur-rust.
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," He responded. "Oh, killing any?" She asked. "Yep, three males, two females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell? He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets? A: He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.